unfollowryanross:

if you ever feel bad about yourself, just remember this one time in my english class, we were writing horror stories and one of the girls wrote “it was friday the 13th, the night before halloween” for her opening sentence

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jellys:

people that point out acne:

  1. pack ur bags
  2. buy a plane ticket
  3. go to hell
Source: jellys via

sarahsizzites:

snowpetrel:

i was babysitting a little boy and girl once and the boy asked me if i had a boyfriend and i said “no!! but i have a girlfriend!” and he said “like a friend thats a girl?” and i said “no like a boyfriend but they’re a girl instead of a boy! we still do couple things but we’re just both girls” and he said, without missing a beat, “oh ok! are you gonna marry her?”

like it’s literally that easy for kids to understand

Children > Adults

Source: bunnyhug via
Alison: I slept with her husband
Alison: and then I killed her
Alison: she was choking, her hands clawing on the kitchen counter and I watched her die until she stopped
Vic: ......
Vic: ......
Vic: ......
Alison: oh btw I KNITTED THESE MITTENS
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sarcastic-snowflake:

why are college and university textbooks so expensive, i could have bought four dogs instead of the textbooks i bought for this semester. and thats just sad. because now i’m broke, i have readings to do, and i don’t have four dogs. 

Source: sarcastic-snowflake via